Everything But The Kitchen Sink

Last night as I was finishing my post I received an email from Lydia. I emailed her back and shortly thereafter my phone rang. No…it wasn’t Will. It was Lydia. In the time it took me to email her back something had happened and she needed some re-assurance…which I am more than happy to provide. We chatted for awhile and then I wanted to get off the phone so I could eat and relax. She laughed and apologized…saying she’s not usually this nutty but that it had been a long time since she had someone intelligent that got what she is going through to talk to. I assured her that I completely understood and that I felt the same about her. I mean…we’ve both been involved with women that we thought were friends but turned out to be “frenemy’s”.

But it got me to thinking. We…and I’m talking about the collective we of womenfolk…often talk about the damage and baggage that we carry around due to failed relationships with men. But what about the damage and baggage that we carry around due to failed relationships with women? Last week I dashed off a series of un-answered emails to Lydia…some with the intent of providing inspiration…some giving un-solicited advice…and then others attempting to qualify said advice. It was very Mike Peters from the movie Swingers leaving message after message on a girls answering machine trying to explain his goofy behavior. As I was doing this I thought…she must be thinking I’m nuts. She’s not going to want to be my friend if she thinks I’m nuts. Stop, I told myself…just STOP hitting send!




And then there is my friend Mary. We met while training for the Los Angeles Marathon. Distance running certainly gives you plenty of time to get to know someone and as I got more and more comfortable with this person, realizing that we shared a lot of common ground, I wanted to “hang out” with her when we weren’t lacing up our running shoes. At the same time I didn’t want to intrude on her life…so I never mentioned it. Eventually we started to go out for breakfast after our runs, but she herself was a bit stand-offish and for the past year we have been doing this little dance of trying to become each others friend without seeming “needy”. Not too long ago she confided in me that she needed a girls night…she has few female friends, and of those she does have she doesn’t really get them nor they her. She asked if she could go out with me and my friends. Well, never one to ignore a friend in need I put on my Julie the cruise directors hat and organized a little evening of rock-n-roll sushi for her, Leila, and I. It was strategic. The place is loud and more about being entertained than actually having a conversation. My real intent was to make sure I could bring her around Leila…that Leila would accept her.

Friday night, when I spoke to Mary solidifying our plans to meet for lunch this weekend I told her that my schedule was pretty wide open these days as Leila is no longer in my life. She was a little surprised so I gave her the super short truncated version of all that I’ve been blogging about here and told her that the whole reason I organized that dinner we had the way I did was to “vette” her to Leila. Mary completely cracked up. She said she totally knew what I was talking about…that she too had “possessive” friends like that and the best she had figured was to not let them get to close. Through my laughter I said, “OH…now you tell me!” We decided we’d meet for lunch on Monday and laughed that since it had been so long, and she too had things to share with me that lunch might segue into dinner.
And I wonder. How many of us are there out there? How many women sit feeling isolated in their homes wishing they had a close knit group of friends ala the Sex In The City gang? I’m beginning to think…quite a few.


Note: If you like the modern painting of friends holding hands you can purchase this or similar work at art by wicks.