Can't Stop The World

There really isn't a whole lot to report. Had a nice dinner with Sam on Thursday. Filled him in on recent events in my life. His take? I need to stop going to "that bar". Ya think? I know he's right. I also know that I won't stop going there entirely. I like it...just not all the time. Its one of those places that you really only need to go to every once in awhile to relax and catch up with your friends. The drinks are cheap...and its down the street. But I'm not really a "bar-fly". The funny thing about it is that back in September I really didnt go out to the pub all that much. Maybe for a beer or two after work a couple nights a week, but I really had no idea of the goings on with all of those "Norms" and I didn't really care. When I did go I restricted my interactions to people like Paul, Mark, Molly, and the dreaded Leila. In other words...I only hung out with the people that I knew outside the bar. It wasn't until Leila started setting me up that I ended up back in the mix. If I never went again I seriously doubt I'd miss it. But I will...because I enjoy throwing back a drink or two with Mark and Paul...and that is where we go. Its convenient. Thankfully enough...both of them have about the same feelings on the matter and since we do things together that don't involve the bar I should soon find myself back to my September status of "Oh look...haven't seen Julie in here for awhile...what ya been up to kid?"

Went out last night to help a friend celebrate her birthday. Not the birthday she wanted but we all had a good time regardless. The food, the drinks, and the company were good. The conversation later was tough. I hate being "the bitch". I hate being the naysayer. But at some point you have to call a spade a spade and that is what I did. I mean...I really try to be positive for people. I try to find the good in all situations...my own included. But sometimes...you just gotta take a hard look at what is actually going on. Like with William. I knew that relationship wasn't the relationship I wanted. I was hanging on to a promise...to an idea that William would come around given enough time. Would I have done that if he hadn't asked me to? Would I have done that if he hadn't acknowledged that things were supposed to be different and would change...that he knew they had to change? How long would I have hung on had the situation not come to a point of no return?

Not long. I can guarantee you that.

Some people might find me cold in my ability to turn my back and look forward. How can I have the feelings I have for William and not feel some sense of loss at this point? To that I say...easy. There are a lot of great things about him and we had some good times. But it wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't making me happy. Its almost a relief that things ended the way they did because they were going to end at some point. It was either going to be me walking away because I want a real boyfriend...one that is ready to move forward in a relationship at a reasonable pace...or it was going to end exactly the way it did because the man has an illness that he simply won't get treatment for. Only...maybe it wouldn't have ended for a year or two, a point at which it would have been an even more devastating experience. Hello...goodbye...not my problem...that is all she wrote.

Paul is in a down mood. I don't blame him...he has a situation he has to deal with and he doesnt want to. A situation he should have dealt with months ago and is now beating himself up about it. Perhaps I'll give him some attention this evening. Be there for him. He's certainly been there for me when I've needed a shoulder or an ear. Then again...he might just want to be left alone. I can do that too.

For now I am spending my Saturday in "term paper hell". Some of them are well written entertaining reads. Others...not so much. My plan was to finish them all this weekend but I may need to amend that. I may need to decide that I'm going to get as many done as I can before my brain melts and then finish them up during the week while I work on my fellowship application.

Happy Happy Joy Joy.

I so look forward to next weekend. Next weekend I am going to make VERY good use of that netflix subscription.