Eclipse

About 30 minutes after I put up last nights post my phone rang. Guess who? Yup…it was my boy. Apparently I misinterpreted that half dream I had last night. Other than that…all of my assumptions were spot on. The first thing he tells me is that he just spent hours hanging out with Leila. I told him I was sorry and he repeated himself. What did he want me to say…I hadn’t heard from the boy in a week and this is how he opens the conversation? I repeated myself. I’m sorry…why did you do that to yourself? “Because I’m nice” he replies. I didn’t really want to talk about Leila so I simply said “How are you doing?” He laughed and said “You’re overly happy.” I assured him that I was anything but “Happy”. He wouldn’t let it go. So I suggested that maybe I should be yelling at him because he hadn’t called me in over a week. He said that would be OK…that he expected it…that he was prepared for it.

HA!

I told him that I had no intention of yelling at him…that yelling isn’t a productive way of communicating. I told him that he is allowed to cave. That I know he does this. That I figured that is what he had been doing. I further went on to let him know that I wasn’t happy with him for disappearing like that…that I don’t like it. I told him that I wasn’t happy that I had moments where I wondered if he was simply bailing on me…had decided he didn’t want to do this…and couldn’t give me the courtesy of “the talk”…but since those were simply moments and I figured he was just “being William” that I wasn’t mad…just "not happy”. He apologized. Said his life had completely changed in the last week. Oh really? How so? He’d been going through some “deep shit”. Some “deep emotional shit” that he decided to share with Leila of all people but for some reason wasn’t willing to share with me. No matter how hard I pressed all I could get out of him was the same old mind games he plays on himself. The mind games that I had actually started subverting in the weeks prior. I, not being too much of an idiot figured that my hunch was correct. That what he told me might happen should he run into the ex had happened. So…I asked the question burning in my mind, “Did you see ex?”

Silence.

I repeated myself. “Did you see ex?”

“Yes”

And then the phone cut out. Oh holy Jesus Christ on the Cross…is this some kind of cosmic mind-f*@k! Oh wait…Sue had something to say about this too.

Aquarius is a digital sign, so the problems are modern ones. You could send email but mistakenly include a carbon to the wrong person, causing an embarrassing situation. You may be writing an important memo when suddenly your office loses power - and you lose the document. Or you could leave a personal document in the Xerox machine for that annoying gossip girl to find when she comes next to use it. Grrrr! So frustrating! …There may be glitches and miscommunication this month but I wouldn't blame Neptune - that would be due to Mercury, still retrograde and happy to play little gremlin tricks on all of us.

To Hell with Mercury! I trucked my butt back upstairs where the reception is better and called that boy BACK! So…you saw your ex…how did that go? It wasn’t good…in fact it was bad. I see…so what happened? He wouldn’t tell me. So…I did the girl thing and asked the obvious question “Did you guys get back together?” His reply was satisfactory…very satisfactory. And…contrary to what you might expect…he actually didn’t give me any grief for being lame about that. Once he told me that what he had feared would happen…what I knew had happened…had happened…I didn’t really have any more questions. At least none that I thought I would be able to get an answer for last night. But I will…believe you me…I will.

We moved on from that to talk about “What the hell is William going to do with his life?”, which just so happens to be his burning question. I won’t bore you with a play by play account of all that was said but at one point he told me that he had a bad dream. A bad dream in which he couldn’t figure out what to do and couldn’t do what he wanted to do but that in the dream I was there…supporting him. Apparently he’s had more than one of these dreams and always I am there…supporting him in what he is trying to do.

Like a mallet to the head…YA THINK?

If we’d been in the same room together and I’d been holding a mallet I just might have given him a good whack on the head. But…since it was just a phone conversation I simply said “Well…I do support you.” “I know that” he replied. He went on further to say that I’m the only one that does support him…that does believe in him. I told him that he is pointedly wrong in that idea but he would not be dissuaded.

Why does it bother me that he has me in this place? In this “You’re the only one that understands/listens/supports/believes in place. It’s like “this pedestal is high and I’m afraid of heights.” Have a listen…

Alanis Morissette - Not the Doctor



Funny enough…I think William already knows this.

So…this morning I asked Paul what he’s doing tonight. When he asked me why I told him that I’d heard from William and thought it might be a good idea for him to take William out for a beer…

Me: He saw ex.
Paul: (eyes roll) Jesus.
Me: And last night he spent “several hours” chatting with Leila
Paul: (eyes roll higher to the ceiling) Great.
Me: Yeah…and he’s not talking to me so I figure he could use a chat with someone “normal” of the male persuasion (insert big toothy grin).
Paul: Well…we’ll see how I’m feeling tonight. And…I might be raising my rates (receive big toothy grin).
Me: Sure…no worries…just thought I’d put it out there.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have intervened like that. William isn’t stupid. If Paul does contact him he’ll suspect my involvement. Hopefully he’ll see it for what it is. If you won’t talk to me…please talk to someone.