Just Breathe

William is in a hole. I have not heard from him since Sunday. I can’t go into why I believe he is in a hole as that is simply too personal and too much information to put out there about him but…I know in the pit of my gut that is where he is. He spent time with Simon this weekend…a lot of time with Simon this weekend…he was away from Sunday to Tuesday with Simon of Technological Blunder fame. There is much about Simon that I have not written about as I care not to delve into his dark world but Simon is Williams Leila. And that is all I have to say about that.

I know that Williams refusal to respond to me is not about me so I’m worried more about him than worried about us. I also know that his going dark on me is about protecting me from his dark place, and quite frankly…that only makes me love him more. This weekend came on top of some other difficulties my sensitive boy has been dealing with. He warned me weekend before this last that this might happen and he warned me that he simply wouldn’t let me in if he went there. I’ve placed one un-answered phone call, one un-answered text message, and one as yet un-answered email. All of them say the same thing. I’m fairly sure you’re in a hole and that’s OK but please let me know that you’re not dead. All of them are meant to convey the same message; take care of you and I’m here when you feel more like yourself. Hopefully I will get a sign of life soon as Paul hasn’t seen or heard of him being down at the Pub.

Some people might think I’m absolutely crazy for dealing with this kind of thing and you might be right. Then again…maybe it just means that Will is not the guy for you…but he is the guy for me. And…maybe these feelings I have for and about him are simply a manifestation of my own neuroses...but is that truly wrong? To quote Friedrich Nietzsche:

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

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As I wrote this I got my answer. In my email I gave him three choices…all he need do is reply with the letter that best fits my assumption.

A- I’ve lost my phone. I'll call you when I get moment to get a replacement.
B- I turned into Bl@ck Spid3y this weekend and have gone into a hole...I’m not taking you with me so I will call you when I feel like myself again.
C- I wish the whole world would just forget I exist. Why do you care so damn much?

Answer: C with a dash of the flu.

I responded “Not much I can do about C but let me know if I can do anything for you about the other thing.”

I feel better now. I suspect there's a bit of B behind that C but at least I know he’s relatively OK. And by that...I mean…OK in a very William way.